Water Under the Bridge
by mermaidartistfairy
Summary: AU - Patrick didn't die in 1912... he died in 1914 just after becoming engaged to Lady Mary Crawley. The new heir won't even know he is the new heir until after the war, until after he is crippled and his own engagement is broken. Meanwhile Lady Edith fights her own battles with the unlikely help of a conniving but (mostly) goodhearted footman. And Daisy falls in love with a woman.
1. She Won't Shatter

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own Downton Abbey or it's wonderful characters, I'm simply playing with them and will return them to the toy box when I'm done.

 _ **August 1914**_

Edith sighed quietly, she wanted to be angry at Mary for ruining her chances with Sir Anthony but even she couldn't find it in her to be mad at Mary when Mary had just lost her fiancé. Admittedly Mary had made no secret of the fact that she didn't care for Patrick, but still, she had been so close to gaining everything she'd really wanted (namely Downton) and it'd been taken from her in a cruel twist of events. Edith's own heartbreak didn't much matter to anyone else but, in a way, she was glad of that. Everyone had taken to walking on glass around Mary, as though afraid she'd shatter if they weren't careful. Edith gave an unladylike snort at that thought, Mary was stronger than anyone gave her credit for, it was one of the few things Edith really admired about her older sister.

Edith had taken to hiding in her room as much as possible since the disastrous garden party. And today was no different; she sat gingerly on the edge of her bed and forced herself to think of that day. Mary and Patrick's announcement that they were engaged had been greeted with good cheer from the assembled guests but it had gone downhill from there, first with Sir Anthony seeking her out and making his apologies for leaving early. He had been stiff and formal with her and Edith had tried to get him to talk to her but he'd simply left without another word and it hadn't been more than a couple minutes later when Edith had realized Mary had something to do with it, what exactly her sister had said to Sir Anthony, Edith still didn't know and she wasn't sure she wanted to.

Edith had thought it surely couldn't get worse but then the news came…. War. Edith has been scared before, but nothing like this. It is like an inescapable dark cloud has settled everywhere and Edith doesn't know what to do. She is scared and angry and worried. And, not for the first time, she wishes she was more like Mary or Sybil, they're strong, they can survive anything, Edith is sure of that. But as for her? She had never really known her place in the world and that had left her unsettled and in a perpetual state of worry, but this was worse, it felt more and more like she was drowning and she didn't even know anymore what she really wanted, or if what she wanted mattered. War, just the thought of it drowned out all other worries.

Edith breathed deeply in through her nose and tried to settle her thoughts in a different direction. But the only other thing she could think of was the morning after the garden party, when Carson had come into the room while they were breakfasting and Edith had inhaled sharply as she saw the look on his face, she'd seen it once before, in 1912, the day the telegram came that announced Cousin James' death aboard the Titanic. The day that Patrick had paled as he read the words confirming his father was dead, he had been in shock, murmuring about how he had been supposed to be aboard as well. Edith had never felt sorrier for anyone. At least not until that morning just a week ago when Carson had handed a telegram to her father and he read the dreadful words proclaiming Patrick's death in an automobile accident. She'd never seen her father so sad and worried, she didn't know what this meant for the estate, but she knew the entail wasn't going to be broken no matter what her grandmother, mother, and older sister might wish.

Everyone's hopes, dreams, and plans seemed to be crumbling all around them and Edith wanted nothing more than to go back to simpler times, retreat into the normalcy and safety of her childhood. Tears pricked her eyes suddenly as she remembered she couldn't be considered a child anymore, not ever. Maybe it was a good thing Sir Anthony hadn't proposed, she would've felt duty bound to confess her darkest secret to him and she rather thought he would've turned away from her anyway. She wondered suddenly if that was what Mary had told him, she didn't think her sister could be so cruel but then, Mary didn't really know the whole story. She still thought Edith had _invited_ Pamuk to her bedroom. Luckily Mary was the only one who knew anything at all, and then only because she'd overheard Edith in the library begging Pamuk to not tell anyone that he'd been in her bedroom before he had left Downton. Edith wished her sister had actually spoken with her about it, she thinks if someone would _just ask_ , she'd tell the truth and be glad to have the awful secret off of her conscience.

"It'll be okay" Edith whispered to herself, hoping, just faintly, that it really would be.

* * *

"It looks good Anna, thank you" Mary patted her hair gently and smiled into the mirror at the petite blonde woman behind her.

"You always look good with your hair up like that my lady" Anna answered as she got to work folding up some clothes that had been left on the bed.

"I suppose, it's just hard to think I look good when I'm constantly wearing black, it's so depressing" Mary said "if Patrick and I hadn't announced our engagement that day I wouldn't have to wear mourning for very long, but of course since he was officially my fiancé…" she trailed off and Anna looked over at her, she had been nodding her head along with Mary's words, she had after all heard variations on the same theme practically since the death of the former heir. But now she was surprised to see Mary had her head down in her hands and her thin shoulders were shaking ever so slightly.

"My lady?" Anna asked cautiously.

"Oh Anna" Mary was sobbing in earnest and Anna hurried to her side, they both ignored propriety as Mary buried her face in Anna's apron and Anna wrapped a gentle arm around Mary's shoulders.

It didn't take Mary long to cry herself out but she continued to lean against the maid and Anna wrapped her arms around Mary in a fierce hug.

"My lady, if you need to talk?" Anna offered.

Mary sniffed and shook her head.

"I wish I could Anna, but I don't even know what to say. I don't know what I'm feeling, I wasn't in love with Patrick but I did care for him" Mary wiped her eyes as Anna stood back.

"Of course you did my lady, he was your cousin, and you practically grew up together" said Anna beginning to gather the little pots that would allow her to hide the evidence on Mary's face of her crying.

"Yes" Mary whispered, "and I wish, oh how I wish that was all of my problems. Anna, war? I know many who think nothing will change, that the war will be over in a matter of months, but what if it's not? What do we do then? For we must do our share, whatever that share is".

"And Anna, I'm also ashamed of something I did. I hurt someone deeply and I don't know how to fix it, or if I even can". Mary's cheeks flushed at the memory of things she'd said to Sir Anthony. The look on Edith's face as he left had been enough to make Mary wish she could take everything back right then and there. In fact she had started off after Sir Anthony when her father had called for everyone's attention and delivered the worst news she had ever heard.

"Well, I can't council you much on the subject of war. But if you hurt someone you need to apologize and try to right whatever wrongs you've done them, no matter how hard it is" Anna advised gently.

"You're right of course, being afraid is a poor excuse for not doing what is right" Mary looked in the mirror critically and nodded in satisfaction.

"Thank you Anna, I don't know what I would do without you".

"Anytime my lady" Anna smiled.

Mary waited until Anna had left then she pulled open a drawer of her dressing table and brought out a small stuffed dog, she was embarrassed that she needed the comfort of a toy but this was her lucky dog, and she needed some luck if she was going to apologize to both Edith and Sir Anthony.

"If?" she muttered softly to herself "there is no 'if' Mary Crawley, you are going to fix this and then you are going to get through whatever comes next". She sat up straighter and nodded to herself in the mirror as she plotted out the best way to talk to her sister.


	2. A Possible Engagement and an Apology

**Author's Note:** Thank you so much for the reviews, faves, and follows! They mean a lot to me!

Just a slight warning (for the future, not this chapter) I make no promises about character deaths, they may happen, canonical or not. Just wanted to let you know early in case that's not your cup of tea

 ** _Late August 1914_**

"Good morning Mother" Matthew's entrance caused Isobel Crawley to look up from her newspaper and smile at her son as he sat down next to her at the breakfast table.

"Good morning Matthew" she folded up the paper and then took a sip of tea before speaking again. "I was wondering if you still intend to be here for dinner tonight".

"Of course, if I had other plans I would have told you Mother" Matthew busied himself with his breakfast and Isobel regarded him over her teacup.

"I understand Lavinia is in town for a few days, will she be joining us?" Isobel asked.

"She's dining with a friend tonight I believe" Matthew answered.

"Oh, well... Richard is in town and I asked him to dine with us. Of course Lavinia would have been welcome to join us, but I rather hoped it might just be the three of us tonight". Isobel blushed slightly and silently chided herself for acting like a love-struck schoolgirl.

Matthew had the audacity to grin at her "should I expect a happy announcement tonight?" he asked.

"Well…" Isobel hesitated.

"Mother! You _are_ engaged to Dr. Clarkson" Matthew leaned back in his chair, his whole face had lit up with a wide smile and his eyes sparkled merrily.

"Not quite" Isobel huffed a small laugh, "you're getting a bit ahead of Richard and I. But we _have_ spoken about it and, well I think he might ask this afternoon".

"That's wonderful Mother!" Matthew's face still held it's look of utter delight and Isobel couldn't help but remember how proud she was of her son, and how glad she was that he'd found happiness of his own, even if she was still a bit doubtful about Lavinia.

"Yes, but I did want to speak to you about all of this" Isobel's tone was more serious now and Matthew sat up straight and nodded at her to continue.

"Of course if Richard does propose I would have to move, I couldn't ask him to give up the job he loves so much" she'd thought about it a great deal and it was rather scary to change so much in her life, but the thought of dear Richard's bright blue eyes could simultaneously calm her fears and send her heart to racing, and if that wasn't worth a bit of risk than she didn't know what was.

"Of course Mother, I expected that" Matthew smiled at her, "you don't have to worry about me, I will be fine. And perhaps, once Lavinia and I marry, we could move closer".

"I would like that very much" Isobel relaxed greatly at her son's response even though she wasn't quite done.

"Of course there is the question of Lord Grantham and his family" Isobel continued, "Richard understands that I am not particularly interested in them as family, after all, we've never met them. But they are his patients and I'm sure I will eventually meet them, living in the village it would be rather odd if I didn't".

"I am not sure what the issue is here" Matthew raised his eyebrows at Isobel.

"I'm thinking of ignoring the fact that I am related to them by marriage and simply introducing myself as Isobel Clarkson, leave it at that. I think it might be easier for both Richard and myself. But I don't wish to do anything that will…" she paused, trying to figure out the right word to use "anything that would _upset_ you, or make things difficult if you did decide to move nearby".

"Mother, how could it make things difficult for me? Unless you outright lie to them, but even that wouldn't make things difficult, awkward perhaps" he grinned at her again "but I imagine if I ever met them it would be awkward anyway".

"I'm glad you don't disapprove" Isobel stood up "I'm off to do some shopping, don't work so hard you forget to eat lunch again".

"Yes Mother" Matthew practically beamed at her and Isobel found herself feeling positively giddy, Matthew's approval had meant more to her than she could possibly say and she was, once again, grateful that she and Reggie had managed to raise such a fine young man.

* * *

Matthew's smile faded as his mother left the room, he had intended to tell her about his enlistment today, but obviously it wasn't the day to do so. He frowned; he had also meant to tell her about his and Lavinia's fight. Admittedly, the engagement wasn't yet broken, but Matthew just wasn't sure he could go through with it; he'd begun to think that his feelings weren't as strong as Lavinia's and the realization had shocked him. He _was_ in love with the sweet girl that had so easily become his best friend... wasn't he? He couldn't really say anymore. And between his conflicting thoughts and his enlistment, it just wouldn't be fair to Lavinia for them to stay engaged.

Matthew sighed heavily; he needed to figure this out. But if today went as his mother hoped then this was her day, her's and Dr. Clarkson's, and Matthew wouldn't ruin the celebratory mood. He wasn't especially adept at hiding his feelings but since he truly was happy for his mother, he hoped he could manage, he'd done alright at breakfast and it was just for today.

Tomorrow would a different story.

* * *

Mary steeled herself as Branson pulled the car up in front of Loxley House. She'd considered speaking to Edith first but decided that apologizing to Sir Anthony would go a long way towards getting her sister to forgive her. At least, it would if Sir Anthony would listen to her but there was no guarantee that her words would matter now.

The funny thing, Mary mused, was that this time she would be speaking the truth and last time she'd told him nothing but lies, and yet… this time it would likely be harder to convince him.

"Lady Mary, what a delightful surprise" Sir Anthony greeted her when she walked into his library. Mary had to admit he was a gracious, if somewhat boring, man, and she wondered suddenly what Edith actually saw in him, was he just someone she could safely be married to? Or was she actually in love? Mary shook off the thoughts and smiled pleasantly, it didn't matter, this was what Edith wanted, her reasons were her own. She waited until they were both seated before beginning.

"Sir Anthony, I'm afraid I'm not here to simply visit, I needed to see you. You see, I rather owe you an apology" she told him.

"An apology? Whatever for?" the poor man looked very lost.

"I'm sorry to say that I lied to you" Mary replied deciding to be direct, "I told you that Edith was annoyed at the idea of an older man asking her to marry him, although I'm afraid I put it in terms that were far more unpleasant" she stopped to draw in a breath. "But the truth is that Edith had told me no such thing, in fact she hoped you would propose to her because she very much wanted to be your wife".

Mary paused as Sir Anthony's face lost what little color it had had and a shocked look appeared on it, apparently it wouldn't be so hard to convince him after all.

"Sir Anthony?" Mary asked, slightly hesitant.

He seemed to pull himself together and his next words held no trace of either anger or sorrow, just a polite detachment "I'm sorry, are you saying that Edith would have accepted my proposal?".

Mary ignored the urge to bow her head and instead looked the baronet in the eye "yes, Edith had every intention of accepting".

Sir Anthony nodded, his face becoming a stern mask but one that, to Mary's eyes, seemed full of tiny cracks "may I ask, Lady Mary, why would you do something like this?".

"I have no excuse, I was being petty for reasons that I believe are best kept between my sister and myself. I will say that I had no idea how deep Edith's feelings for you were and I did not expect to hurt her so much". It was getting harder for Mary to hold up her head but she'd be damned if she'd let him know just how badly she felt.

"I see. And I suppose it didn't occur to you to consider my own feelings?" he was angry, the anger seeped through the cracks in his mask and Mary wondered for a moment if he was going to actually yell at her. Instead he rose and stalked towards the bookcase, clasping his hands tightly behind his back, he didn't look at her when he next spoke.

"I think it best that you leave now Lady Mary, I need time to think" his voice was low but it wasn't full of the anger she'd expected, rather he sounded sorrowful. 'And really' Mary thought as she stood to leave, 'that was worse than the anger'.

She paused before going out the door "I know this doesn't help, but I truly am sorry for all of the hurt I've caused you. I don't deserve your forgiveness and I don't ask for it, but please don't hold this against Edith, I can assure you that she never asked for me as a sister.


	3. An Unexpected Letter

**A/N:** Thank you for continuing to read, review, follow, and favorite.

Lia, in answer to your question. It'll be the next chapter after this one.

 **Warning** ; there is mention of non-con elements in this chapter as we have a callback to the events with Pamuk.

 ** _Late August 1914_**

Edith was tired of arguing. Neither of her parents had understood her sudden need to travel to London, and she was sure she didn't even want to know what Mary would say about it. She'd hoped Sybil at least would be on her side but instead her youngest sibling was sitting on Edith's bed and trying to convince Edith to stay at home.

"I just want to see Wendy and the new baby" Edith said quietly, it was a lie of course and they both knew it, but Sybil hadn't yet brought up Sir Anthony or Mary, and Edith certainly wasn't going to.

"But there's no _real_ reason to run off to London, you can see Wendy any time" Sybil argued fiercely as Edith tried decide which items to have Anna pack when the time came.

"I'm finding every reason to be gone, real or not" Edith said firmly from her place at her jewelry box as she held up a necklace and pondered whether to take it with her or not.

"But Edith, I'm sure Mary didn't mean to… well…" Sybil trailed off, no doubt knowing that there wasn't anywhere to go with that sentence.

Edith smiled gently at her little sister "I love how you always defend both of us equally, no matter how dreadful we both are".

Sybil shook her head "you're not dreadful, either of you, you're just bad at knowing where to draw the line when it comes to each other" she sighed "I'm going to miss you terribly".

"I'll be back in a month or so" Edith replied, "in plenty of time for your birthday; I can go shopping for your present in London".

A knock on the door prevented Sybil from replying. Anna entered the room with a letter in her hand.

"This just arrived for you Lady Edith" she handed the letter to Edith.

"Thank you Anna" Edith looked down at the letter and felt her heart begin to race 'no no no' she thought 'he wouldn't dare, would he?' the letter in her hands was proof he would. She barely even heard Sybil and Anna talking but she looked up when the door closed. They'd left her alone, alone in the room where he'd been with her and suddenly she couldn't breathe. She kept the letter clutched tightly in her hand as she stood and practically ran to open the door; she rushed out without looking where she was going and crashed into a warm body. A hand reached out to steady her but she didn't know whose it was, she blindly lashed out and when another hand touched her she cried out in panic. Fighting back tears and trying desperately to twist out of the other person's grip she stumbled backwards and fell through the doorway.

* * *

Thomas hadn't thought much of it when Lady Edith initially crashed into him, she didn't normally rush about as far as he knew, but Lady Edith didn't interact with the servants as much as Lady Sybil and he could acknowledge that he didn't really know her that well. Still, he knew her reaction to his hands on her arms was not normal and when she cried out his eyes widened in shock. He'd seen this type of reaction to touch before, he'd _had_ this type of reaction to touch before and he sincerely hoped he was wrong about the cause of Lady Edith's distress.

He should've let her go the moment she tried to twist away but his shock kept him still too long and when she stumbled he lost his own balance and landed on his knees.

"Fool" he berated himself quietly as he stood up and did a quick sweep of the corridor, nobody was around and Thomas breathed a small sigh of relief, it would've been very bad if anyone had seen Lady Edith struggling in his arms. He looked down at her; she had curled herself into a small ball and had buried her face in her arms. He quickly closed the door, trying hard not to hit her feet with it.

"Lady Edith" he said softly, kneeling down next to her "Lady Edith, everything is fine; it's just me, just Thomas".

"Thomas?" she whispered. He hadn't thought that he even had a heart anymore, but her scared voice assured him that he did because it was beginning to hurt at seeing her brought down so low.

"That's right Lady Edith, just Thomas" he waited as she slowly lifted her head and stared at him.

"Oh Thomas" she said "I'm so sorry. I… I don't know what came over me" she was obviously lying; she did know what caused her panic. But Thomas wasn't going to call her on it, he'd noticed the envelope she'd dropped when she fell and he figured it must have something to do with her sudden onset of panic. Besides, it wasn't really his place to say anything.

"It's alright milady, should I get someone for you? The countess, or Anna perhaps?" Thomas offered.

Edith's eyes widened in panic "no no, I'm fine! Really" she sat up quickly. Thomas noted her reaction 'nobody else knows' he thought to himself, not really surprised, it was no real secret that Lady Edith was often neglected by her parents in favor of her sisters. And Thomas doubted very much that Anna had noticed, she was too wrapped up in Bates and in Lady Mary's troubles to pay too much attention to anything else.

Lady Edith was making a valiant effort to get up off the floor by herself, but her arms and legs were trembling and her skirts had gotten tangled up when she fell.

"Milady" Thomas stood and offered his hand, carefully making sure he didn't get too close to her. She hesitated slightly before placing her hand in his and allowing him to pull her to her feet. She stood awkwardly for a moment before turning and hastily sitting down in the chair by the fireplace.

"Thank you for your help Thomas, you may leave" she dismissed him quietly.

"As you wish milady" he didn't really want to, she was obviously still distressed and he hated to leave when she needed someone, but again, it wasn't his place so he bowed slightly and made to leave the room.

"Thomas" she turned in the chair to look at him "please don't mention this to anyone; I was just being silly is all".

"Of course milady" he answered, checking carefully before he stepped out into the corridor. He was closing the door behind him when he heard her whispered "thank you". In truth he almost couldn't handle her gratitude, he wasn't sure he deserved it for simply keeping quiet. "And there's another reason you don't deserve it Barrow" he whispered to himself as he looked down at the envelope in his hand. His curiosity had gotten the better of him when he'd stood up and he'd swept the letter into his pocket before he could think better of it. He could slip it back under the door, Lady Edith probably wouldn't notice and she'd just think she'd dropped it when she fell, as in fact she had. But as Thomas looked at it he noticed she hadn't even opened it, just seeing the name on the envelope had caused all of this. He flipped it over and his eyes widened again when he read the name.

"Pamuk" he practically growled "damn him!" Thomas seethed, no wonder he'd been so interested in a tour of the house. And Thomas, it was Thomas who'd shown him where the family slept, Thomas who had actually pointed out Lady Edith's bedroom. How could he have been so stupid? A noise around the corner brought him to his senses and he hastily slipped the letter under the door before straightening up and hurrying off.

In his mind Thomas was already wondering how to deal with Pamuk, the thought of letting him get away with all of this was abhorrent but Thomas didn't exactly have the power to have him arrested. And anyway, that would just make things worse for Lady Edith, the scandal would be terrible. And doing anything else would require resources he wasn't sure he had. Maybe instead of either justice or revenge he should be thinking of how best to actually help _her_ , but he wasn't sure he knew where to begin.


	4. London Part One

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews and follows!

 _ **Late August 1914**_

Mary wandered around the quiet rooms and hallways of Downton, her face may have been serene but her thoughts were churning in frustration. She wasn't used to being surprised and she didn't much like it. Hearing from dear Sybil that Edith was going to London had definitely put a damper on her plans. She didn't doubt Sir Anthony would come around but she needed to make sure he had the time to do so. And not only that, but she hadn't yet planned _exactly_ what she wanted to say to Edith and she didn't want to rush through a conversation that was going to be difficult for both of them. She supposed she could wait until Edith got home before continuing with anything. But Sybil had said that Edith meant to be gone until late September and that seemed far too late to apologize to her. And what about Sir Anthony? He was right, she hadn't ever truly considered his feelings before but clearly he was broken up over Edith.

"Oh Robert, I know your concerns and I agree" Cora's voice wafted out of an open door and Mary paused as her mother continued in her calm voice "But Edith is set on going and I don't really want to argue with her. Besides she's been so quiet lately anyway, this might be good for her".

Mary stood still for a moment as an idea hit her. Then she smiled and rapped sharply on the half-open door.

"Mama, may I come in?" she asked.

"Of course Mary" Cora smiled at Mary as she came in "your papa and I were just talking about Edith's trip to London".

"I actually wanted to talk to you about that; I understand she's going to stay with Mr. and Mrs. Darlington and, as I recall, Mrs. Darlington actually invited both of us to stay. I was hoping you would have no objection to my traveling with Edith" Mary clasped her hands in front of her and did her best to look innocent and as though she simply wanted to see an old friend.

Cora and Robert both looked surprised and they glanced at each other quickly.

"You are in mourning Mary" Cora told her.

"So is Edith" Mary pointed out "and while going to a party would be in bad taste, surely a quiet visit to an old friend couldn't be considered improper" she concluded firmly.

Cora seemed ready to disagree but Robert spoke first "I think a trip would be good for you Mary, allow you some room to breathe perhaps" his eyes softened as they always did when he looked at his eldest daughter and Mary knew she'd won this battle, even if her mother didn't like it.

"Thank you Papa, Mama" she smiled at them and made her way out of the room. Her plan was still only half formed, but if she could apologize to Edith on the journey to London and then talk Sir Anthony into coming to London to talk to Edith, well maybe they would have an announcement to make by the time the two sisters returned to Downton.

* * *

 _ **Early September 1914**_

Edith hadn't been especially happy to hear that Mary would be accompanying her to London but a long overdue conversation on the train had cleared the air far more than Edith could ever have hoped. She and Mary were hardly the best of friends, but neither were they constantly sniping at each other anymore. And hearing all that Mary had done in an effort to correct her mistake in regards to Sir Anthony had nearly made Edith tear up, she hadn't expected any of this and she wasn't sure she deserved it. They hadn't yet heard from Sir Anthony but, despite Mary's expectations, Edith thought that Sir Anthony would wait to speak to her when she returned to Downton instead of making a special trip to London.

So the first week of September had passed in a rather blissful haze of, if not happiness, than contentedness. And today, after a late breakfast, she and Wendy had plans to spend the day shopping while Mary had decided to stay at the house and write letters to those at home. Edith had high hopes that she would find the perfect birthday present for Sybil today, and possibly something nice to surprise Mary with as well. Edith smiled into the mirror at her reflection, for the first time since Pamuk's letter had come, she didn't feel worthless or unclean when she looked at herself. She just felt like Edith.

A knock at the door interrupted her musings and she smiled widely when Wendy came in with little Peter in her arms.

"He wanted to see you before Nanny takes him for a walk" Wendy held out the baby boy to Edith and she took him carefully. She didn't have a lot of experience with children but Peter was darling and she loved to hold him.

"Someday, you will be a great mother Edith" Wendy told her as Peter gurgled in her arms.

Edith shook her head at her friend "not anytime soon I think" she replied. She'd been worried about that after Pamuk, but luckily she'd been worried for nothing. A child though, Edith thought she'd quite like to be a mother.

* * *

Mary sighed; London was a bit dull for someone who couldn't attend social gatherings, Wendy did her best to offer ideas, and in the evening when they all gathered for supper and then card games, Mary was able to stay just this side of bored. But during the day, there was very little to do other than go shopping or stay in and read or write. Mary was tired of sitting still and even more tired of shopping. Possibly a walk in the park would do her good, at least she could get some fresher air.

The park was full of children laughing and playing together and mothers or nannies talking amongst themselves, so Mary veered off course and sat down on a bench just inside the park gates. She had spent the walk there pondering whether or not Sir Anthony had ever received the two telegrams she'd sent him, she certainly hoped so. She'd noticed a few days after arriving in London that Edith had become more lively and, seemingly, happier as well. Mary wasn't used to noticing Edith's happiness, or lack thereof, but she'd seen enough of a difference lately that she wondered how she could be so blind as to not notice sooner. Sadly the answers she'd come up with hadn't made her feel any better. But she was utterly convinced that Sir Anthony was the, slightly odd, key to Edith's happiness and once this whole business was taken care of Mary could go back to worrying about her own future. Then again, her own future didn't look especially bright, she'd already lost Downton, and what hope did she have of finding love? Would she even recognize it if she found it? Could she give up the life she was used to if she loved someone outside of her social circle? The questions whirled dizzily through her head but they went largely unanswered. She had no idea what she might do if she fell in love, she didn't really know what romantic love felt like and she'd largely ignored the idea since she was old enough to understand that she would likely marry Patrick.

A strong gust of wind caused the trees to rattle near her and she noted that the children were hastily being gathered up. It did look as though a storm might be coming in and Mary supposed that if she didn't want to be caught in the rain she'd better begin her walk back to the Darlington's house.

Another gust of wind and a gentleman's hat flew over the back of the bench and tumbled down to the ground at Mary's feet. It was such an incongruous moment that Mary paused halfway to standing up and stared at the hat for a moment. As she straightened up fully a voice started apologizing to her and she looked towards the gates to see a handsome blonde man walking towards her.

He bent down to pick up the hat and then placed it firmly on his head.

"I am so sorry" he told her "I hope I didn't startle you too much, I didn't realize the wind was so strong until my hat had already flown away from me" he grinned at her in a rather charming way and she realized with a start that she'd been mutely staring at him for a bit longer than was proper.

"I wasn't really startled" she smiled at him "just a bit surprised".

His smile widened and Mary was astonished to note that her heart was beating rather loudly, as though his smile had an effect on her. He was making some innocuous remark about the weather and Mary came to a rapid decision, this silly feeling might be the closest she came to real love, what could one afternoon hurt?

"Would you like to get some tea?" she asked, interrupting him mid-sentence and he paused, blinking his clear blue eyes at her in surprise. She knew she was being terribly forward but, really, as long as she didn't tell him her surname, this couldn't come back to haunt her, he was obviously middle-class and they were unlikely to meet again.

"I… uh…" he hesitated "I don't even know your name" he replied.

 _Well_ , if that was his only argument.

"It's Mary" she smiled at him.

"Matthew" he offered her his arm and chills ran pleasantly up her spine as they walked towards the park gates.


	5. London Part Two

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews!**

 _ **Early September 1914**_

Matthew had hoped that a brisk walk would cure his current state of melancholy; he had been fine as long as he had been preoccupied with the business matter that had brought him to London. But once the matter was completed he had been left with little to think of except Lavinia's reaction to when he had broken off their engagement. He didn't regret the decision but he did regret hurting her. He hoped they could still be friends but he wasn't going to push the issue, sometimes Lavinia could be _too_ nice and he didn't want her to feel like she had to forgive him.

With his thoughts on his former fiancée he didn't really notice that the wind had begun to pick up until his hat flipped off his head and sailed right over the short wall that fenced in the park. He frowned in annoyance and hurried through the park gates. His hat had fallen at the feet of a dark-haired young woman in mourning clothes and she turned to look at him as he walked towards her with an apology on his lips. She had a regal beauty that was enough to take his breath away and he hoped she didn't notice that he was staring more than he should. He placed his hat back on his head and apologized one more time for startling her.

"I wasn't really startled, just a bit surprised" she smiled at him and his heart thumped loudly.

He wasn't at all sure what to think when she asked him to tea. Or worse, when she introduced herself with just her Christian name. The whole situation was strange but he was too beguiled by her smile to say no. And when she took his arm it felt like sparks were dancing between them.

* * *

The tea room they found themselves in was rather busy, perhaps because the storm had finally settled over them and rain was pounding down outside. But the atmosphere inside was cozy and amiable. And Matthew found that talking to Mary was quite easy as they quickly fell into a debate on Greek mythology, one that Matthew was sure could easily rival any debate or argument he'd ever had in its intensity. They soon moved on to other topics and Matthew found himself telling her of his enlistment and how he felt honor bound to fight for his country, even though he had no wish to be a soldier. He even confessed that he was nervous about training because he didn't really know what to expect. Mary didn't ridicule him for it; rather she said she understood how difficult uncertainties could be.

"I'm sure you've noticed that I am in mourning" she said "my fiancé was killed in an automobile accident the day after we announced our engagement. I wasn't in love with him but he was dear to me, losing him…" she paused and looked down at the table "I feel like I should be sadder than I am. But when I think about it, I can't help but think about how his death means that the future I'd planned for so long is no longer mine. I have no idea what the future holds for me and that worries me".

"I am sorry for your loss. But if marriage is what you desire then I have no doubt that you would not lack in suitors Mary" Matthew said softly.

"What I want is for my home to remain mine" Mary said with a hint of anger in her voice as she looked up "but daughters are not allowed to inherit, if my father would try to fight the entail then perhaps I would have some hope, but he will not".

"May I ask why not?" Matthew asked curiously.

"He feels the entire estate, and not just the title, should go to his heir, despite the fact that he has never even met the man. I am not sure he even knows the man's name yet, Patrick only recently died" she must've seen the confused look on Matthew's face because she went on to explain that her fiancé had also been her cousin and her father's heir.

"You could fight for it yourself" Matthew offered "you might stand a chance if you had a good lawyer".

Mary shook her head "I would try if I could, but I wouldn't even have an idea of what lawyer to engage".

"Edgar Kelly is the man you want to talk to" Matthew replied "he's the best there is at this sort of thing".

She looked at him quizzically "do you know much about law then?" she asked.

Matthew almost laughed "I should hope so! I am a lawyer".

* * *

"Oh" Mary could feel herself blushing slightly.

"Perhaps I should've mentioned that _before_ giving you advice" said Matthew, his own cheeks were a bit pink and Mary allowed her eyes to linger on his face for a moment before answering.

"I appreciate the advice, thank you" she smiled at him again. She wondered if she was affecting Matthew as much as he was affecting her, she knew she could easily wrap a man around her little finger when she tried, but she didn't want that, she wanted Matthew to actually like her.

"Are you in London for long?" she asked.

"I'm afraid not, I have to be on the first train to Manchester in the morning" he answered "what about you?".

"Until the end of the month" she glanced towards the window in the front of the tea room and noticed the rain had stopped "it's getting rather late, I suppose I should say goodbye else I'll be late for dinner".

Matthew gave a start "have we been sitting here that long?" he turned to look out the window and Mary smiled a bit to herself 'yes, he is as entranced as I am' she thought. Her smiled faded though as she remembered that they wouldn't be seeing each other again. Matthew turned back to her and shook his head.

"I can't believe we've spent all afternoon talking" he hesitated slightly "I notice you never told me your last name, should I suppose that this is a onetime thing?".

"You _are_ leaving London tomorrow anyway" Mary pointed out, her heart and her common sense were warring with each other, but as usual common sense won out.

"We could write each other" Matthew suggested.

"I'm sorry" Mary shook her head "I just don't think it would be a good idea".

Matthew didn't look convinced, well _Mary_ wasn't hardly convinced either, but somehow they managed to part ways without her telling him.

Later that night, after she had settled into bed, she allowed herself to dream of a future where she was the owner of Downton and could choose whoever she wanted to marry. She knew it was a pipe dream, she still couldn't marry a middle-class lawyer, but it was a nice dream and when she drifted off to sleep it continued with visions of Matthew laughing in the library at Downton, the two of them picnicking on the grounds of the abbey, and Matthew smiling at her as they danced.

* * *

Mary felt foolish. She had talked James Darlington into driving her to Euston Station because she had some idea of seeing Matthew off. But she couldn't find him on the crowded platform. Possibly he hadn't actually meant the earliest train, or possibly he was already aboard. Either way Mary couldn't find him and she was growing angry with herself for allowing a silly dream to affect her judgment so badly. A glimpse of blonde hair out of the corner of her eye had her turning quickly.

"Matthew!" she called. The look on his face when he saw her was well worth the effort and she almost laughed at the mix of confusion and happiness.

"Mary?" he pushed his way through to her "what are you doing here?".

"I wanted to give you something" she replied, reaching into her bag she pulled out the worn stuffed dog that normally resided in her dressing table drawer and held it out to Matthew.

He took it with an adorably confused look on his face "a stuffed dog?".

"He has brought me luck since I was a little girl, but I think you will need him more than I will" she told him.

"What about the entail?" he asked.

"Well hopefully Mr. Kelly will be my good luck charm" she responded.

"But, I won't be able to return him to you" Matthew pointed out.

Mary took a deep breath and pulled out an envelope "my name, and where to send a letter to me" she told him "I hope you'll write".

Matthew looked down at the sealed envelope with a small smile on his lips "you couldn't just tell me?" he asked.

Mary shook her head mutely.

"I will write" Matthew told her "but now I have to go or I will miss my train" his eyes lingered on her face and he gave her a sad smile.

"How could you become so important to me in such a small amount of time?" he asked quietly, it was the same question she'd been wondering about him, but he didn't wait for an answer, he kissed her hand and smiled one more time before turning and walking briskly towards his train.


	6. London Part Three

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews, favorites, and follows. Have I mentioned how much I appreciate them? I really do.**

 **If you're wondering about Matthew's reaction to Mary's letter, don't worry it's coming! Just not yet.**

* * *

 ** _Early September 1914_**

Edith loved the spacious drawing room at the Darlingtons'. She was sitting in front of the fireplace, ostensibly reading a new book that Wendy had lent her, but really she was admiring the room and wondering if she might have the pleasure of decorating her own home someday. If she did she would certainly have comfortable plush chairs facing the fireplace and the large ornate mirror that would preside over it. She thought she might dispense with the floral designs on the walls and chairs though. A floral design on the rug would be as many flowers as she would want unless they resided in a vase.

"Edith, you have some letters" Wendy said as she came into the drawing room.

"Probably Mama and Sybil" Edith declared as she hastily put the book down and held her hand out to take the letters from her friend.

"No, two of them are from different gentlemen and one doesn't have a name on it but the handwriting looks like a man's" Wendy clarified "my goodness Edith, do you have three different suitors?" she teased as she handed Edith a letter opener.

Edith smiled "of course not, I can't imagine who these are from".

"Well, I have to leave for luncheon with James' mother, wish me luck so I might come home unscathed" exclaimed Wendy.

"Is she really _that_ bad?" Edith inquired curiously.

"She's awful! But you know, I rather admire her anyway" Wendy admitted "still, if she isn't careful I'll be begging you to help me hide her body".

"Wendy!" Edith was torn between shock and laughter but Wendy just wrinkled her pert nose at Edith and giggled.

"Alright, I suppose if there is ever a body to hide I'll help you with it" Edith said waving her free hand at Wendy in goodbye.

"Why Lady Edith! How scandalous of you" Wendy grinned at her friend as she turned and practically danced out the door.

Edith shook her head at Wendy's antics then turned her attention to the letters, the top one was from Sir Anthony and she picked it up hurriedly, she was halfway through opening it when she glanced at the second letter and her heart skipped a beat.

"Not again" she whispered "how would he even know I was here" she placed Sir Anthony's letter in her lap and picked up the envelope from Kemal Pamuk. She slit it open and his elegant loopy handwriting swam before her eyes, she blinked rapidly and managed to read through the first part before throwing the letter in the fireplace. Fear and disgust were both warring in her mind and her hands clenched tightly as she tried to breathe.

"He is _not_ here" she reasoned "there is no reason to be afraid, you're safe" she didn't feel safe but she kept repeating it over and over and eventually her breathing evened out. She was glad Wendy had left and Mary had gone off who knows where. She didn't want anyone to see her like this. Sir Anthony's letter taunted her, she had pretended to herself that if he did propose everything would be fine, but she would have to tell him about Pamuk. Especially now, with Pamuk threatening her. And what would he think? He didn't deserve to have to deal with all of this.

She turned her attention to the anonymous letter and her fingers trembled as she opened it, she didn't recognize the handwriting and had no idea what to expect when she drew out a short note.

 _Lady Edith,_

 _A certain diplomat visited the Grantham Arms recently. While there he made the acquaintance of one of the servants at the abbey, this servant told him that you were visiting London and mentioned that your maid had said something about a couple named Darlington._

 _There was also some talk of this diplomat's plans to visit London himself._

 _I wish you nothing but the best and I assure you that your secret is safe with me._

 _ _A Friend.__

Well, at least that answered a few of Edith's question, but who on earth was this "Friend"? And how could they know? She was sure no one could have seen Pamuk leaving her room and the only person that did know about Pamuk didn't know that it wasn't consensual, and besides, Mary was here in London so she couldn't know what was happening at the Grantham Arms of all places. Edith shook her head in frustration then stilled as a thought struck her.

"Thomas" she whispered. If he had seen the envelope… but why would Thomas help _her_? Edith shook her head, the longer she thought about it all, the more confused and frightened she became. She did know one thing; she couldn't stay in London any longer. She'd just have to pull herself together enough to talk to Mary when she got back, that couldn't be too hard, right?

* * *

Mary hadn't wanted to return to the house right after seeing Matthew off so she'd done some shopping. She had bought herself a darling little gray hat with black beading that would look good when she was transitioning out of mourning, and she had found another hat in blue with brown-gold silk and blue swan feathers wrapped around the crown for Sybil's birthday present. She took the packages up to her room so she could try on the gray hat again and admire herself in the mirror. 'Definitely a good buy' she thought.

"Mary" Edith's voice came through her door.

"Come in" she called.

"Mary, I was wondering if you would mind cutting our visit short" her sister said as she came into the room.

Mary turned and looked at Edith, sweeping her eyes over her. Edith looked positively terrible, her eyes were downcast as though she couldn't bear to look at Mary, and her hands were trembling slightly even though she had them clasped tightly together in front of her.

"Darling, whatever is the matter?" Mary was as surprised by the term of endearment as Edith, but it did get Edith to look at her. Mary moved towards her and guided her to a chair.

"Sit" she commanded "and tell me what is wrong".

"I'm just homesick, that's all" Edith answered. Mary could tell it was a lie, she took one of Edith's hands in both of her own and was shocked to realize how cold it was, her mind was working furiously but the only thought that made sense was that Edith had heard from Sir Anthony and the news wasn't what they had hoped.

"Edith, if this is about Sir Anthony…" she trailed off in the hopes that Edith would say something but Edith just shook her head.

"Alright, well whatever it is, you can tell me if you ever need someone to talk to" Mary offered "and I certainly don't mind going home early, you know I always miss Downton when I'm away for too long. I'll talk to Wendy tonight and let Mama and Papa know".

"Thank you" Edith whispered.

"You're welcome. Now, let's get you to your room, I'll tell Wendy you have a headache and won't be down to dinner" Mary wasn't used to taking care of anyone, but she wasn't going to let anyone else see Edith like this, so she tucked Edith into her bed then ordered a cup of tea brought to her own room. She sweetened it liberally and took it to Edith's room, leaving it on the table by the bed. Edith was still under the covers, apparently asleep, so Mary took the opportunity to snoop. There was a letter from Sir Anthony on the dressing table but Edith hadn't even opened it. There was another envelope under it and Mary read the note inside quickly.

'What diplomat?' she wondered 'and who is this supposed friend?'. It didn't make any sense to her but at least she knew for sure that something odd was going on.

* * *

Mary's dreams that night were not the pleasant dreams of the night before. She was haunted by images of her and Edith running across the dark lawn at Downton, light and music spilled through the open front door of the abbey in front of them, but behind them a shadowy figure ran. For some reason he frightened Mary, she pulled Edith along with her towards where Carson stood in the open doorway, Mary knew he would protect her and she easily reached him…. only to turn around and see Edith slip out of her grasp and fall backwards into the darkness.

Mary woke with a start, the dream had unsettled her and she flung the covers off of her and grabbed her dressing robe. The house was quiet as she tip-toed down the hallway to Edith's room. She opened the door and peeked around it, hoping to see Edith sleeping in her bed but her sister was sitting curled up in the chair in the corner with the lamp on.

"Edith, why aren't you sleeping?" Mary asked, coming in and closing the door behind her.

"I received a letter from Sir Anthony today" Edith answered. Mary sat down on the edge of the bed facing her sister, Edith looked a bit better, or possibly she was doing a better job of pretending. Mary was sure that whatever had upset Edith must have started much earlier than yesterday, which meant Edith had been very good about hiding it because the only time anyone had noticed she was upset was after the garden party. And everyone had been upset then, for one reason or another. 'It could've happened between then and now' she thought 'but it's the diplomat thing that I'm getting stuck on because the only diplomat… oh'.

"This is about Pamuk isn't it?" Mary asked.


	7. London Part Four-Interlude in Manchester

**Thank you for the reviews! I'll be updating this a wee bit slower than I had been from now on, but hopefully not as slow as this chapter was! I apologize for the delay.**

* * *

 ** _Early September 1914_**

"That is it, isn't it?" Mary asked "you are afraid to tell Sir Anthony that you slept with Pamuk but your honor won't let you marry him if you don't tell him".

Edith didn't answer; she didn't know how to answer. She could tell the truth, all her reasons for not telling Mary had gone out the window when her sister had started being nice to her. She had never thought to see Mary so concerned for her, it was a nice feeling.

"Edith, this is ridiculous! You've landed yourself in a difficult situation but there is no need to fall apart over it" Mary declared, evidently taking Edith's silence as confirmation. Edith shrank into herself a bit; she still didn't know what to say.

Mary sighed "Edith, I can't tell you what to do, and heaven knows if I were in your place I'd be just as confused, but you need to figure this out quickly" she placed a comforting hand on Edith's arm. The touch felt like an anchor and Edith clung to it by wrapping her own hand around Mary's.

"I don't know what to do Mary, I suppose I just need to talk to Sir Anthony, but I'm desperately afraid he won't want me after this and it's hard to hope for the best because I'm scared to lose him again, it hurt so much the first time".

A flash of anger appeared on Mary's face and Edith let go of her hand, scooting back into the chair and away from her sister. She didn't know why she'd become so fearful (well, maybe she did, the letters from Pamuk still haunted her thoughts), but she dreaded losing this tenuous connection she'd found with Mary.

"No" Mary grabbed her hand back and squeezed it gently "I'm not angry at you, honestly Edith I'm ashamed of myself and angry that I put you through so much in the first place" she shook her head "but surely you had already decided what you meant to do in regards to Sir Anthony if he proposed at the garden party, why should now be any different? He seems to love you, why shouldn't you hope that he'll forgive your transgression?".

That was true, Edith had always intended to tell him at least part of the truth, but she had thought then that if he walked away that she would eventually be fine, that she could pick up the pieces and move on because, if for no other reason, she would have to. She knew that wasn't true now, she could pick up those pieces, she could continue to live without him, but she would lose a piece of herself too. Because her infatuation had grown into love, desire, and respect. And losing that, and the confidence his own love had given her, was too hard, too bitter, too _much_.

"He called me his darling Edith" she whispered, shoving the letter towards Mary "he _must_ mean to ask me, I just need to talk to him first, I don't want to hurt him and I can't say yes unless he knows the truth" she said, 'most of the truth' she qualified in her mind.

Mary looked over the letter and smiled at Edith "I'm sure he does mean to ask you, why don't you send him back a telegram and let him know that we're coming back to Downton, and maybe say something about needing to discuss something with him".

"I will" Edith nodded "when do we leave?".

"Day after tomorrow" Mary replied "I've already let Mama know to expect us".

* * *

 ** _Manchester_**

Matthew had decided to wait until he got home to open the envelope, but he was regretting that decision as he hadn't had a moment to himself since he had walked through the door. There was only two more days before he left for training and tomorrow was the day of his mother's wedding to Dr. Clarkson. Matthew felt slightly guilty that he was the reason they had decided to rush it but at least this way he knew Isobel wouldn't be alone while he was gone. They would both be starting new lives, as would Dr. Clarkson. Matthew hoped both his mother's and Dr. Clarkson's new lives would be more peaceful than his was likely to be.

It was early evening when he finally got a moment to himself and slipped away to his room. The dog and the envelope both sat on his desk and he gave the stuffed toy a pat before picking up the envelope and, opening it, he drew out a piece of a stationary.

 _Dear Matthew,_

 _I am not sure why I decided to write this, I should just let you leave and pretend that yesterday's meeting in the park did not happen. And truthfully, I cannot quite say why I do not. I feel as though I've known you much longer than one afternoon._

 _You will find my address at the end of this letter and I truly hope you will write._

 _Lady Mary Crawley._

"Lady Mary... _Crawley_?" Matthew blinked in confusion, that couldn't be right. He reread the letter and shook his head. No. He couldn't have randomly ran into a distant cousin in London and fallen for her… could he? It sounded preposterous. But the proof was in his hands and if the name didn't convince him than the address certainly did. He wondered what Mary would think when he wrote back to her.

He sat down at the desk and began to write, the words flowed easily as he wrote the greeting but he paused as he tried to figure out how best to phrase the revelation of his own identity. To learn that Mary was a distant relation hadn't really bothered Matthew, in fact he found it rather amusing for various reasons including his own slight prejudgment against that branch of his family. His father's recollections of meeting the current Earl and his cousin James in their youth, plus the ignored letter that Matthew had sent when his father was ill, hadn't made a good impression on Matthew. But judging the whole family on two small incidents was incredibly narrow-minded of him and he could easily admit that even before he'd met Mary. Perhaps she wouldn't be so amused though. She had likely had no reason to think of distant relations before, perhaps she wouldn't even realize they were related unless he actually explained it (after all, Crawley wasn't _that_ uncommon of a name). A knock at the door startled him slightly and he sighed in annoyance.

"Dr. Clarkson" he greeted the other man as he opened the door.

"Possibly you should start calling me Richard" said the doctor with a slight laugh.

"I suppose so" Matthew smiled at the older man and his annoyance faded, he liked this man and was glad to welcome him to the family. "Richard, what can I do for you?".

"Well" the older man hesitated and a slight blush colored his cheeks "I was wondering if… you see I…" he shook his head in frustration "damn it! Matthew, what I am trying to say is that I've become rather… well… _fond_ of you in the year that I've courted Isobel and I was wondering if you might consider taking this with you when you leave Manchester, it's a good luck charm". He held out a small wooden box and Matthew opened the lid to reveal a very fine silver pocket watch.

"It was my great-grandfather's, and I sincerely hope that I am not going too far here, but it is tradition in my family to pass it down to the next generation when they have need of such a good luck charm. My father gave it to me when I decided to attend medical school, I was a wayward lad and I needed all the luck I could get just to buckle down and actually pay attention to my studies. And, well I would be honored if you would accept it".

"I… I don't quite know what to say" Matthew admitted "are you sure? I can't promise what might happen to it if I take it with me to the trenches".

Richard shook his head and smiled softly "one thing this watch has not seen is war, but it has seen many other things. I'm not generally superstitious but on this one thing I am, that watch is good luck and you will need that. If something happens to _it_ than I will not mind, but if something happens to _you_ " he shuddered "well, let's just not think of that".

Matthew didn't sit back down at the desk after Richard left, his nerves about training, about fighting, it all came back to him and he grabbed Mary's stuffed dog and sat down on the bed instead. He had two good luck charms now, surely that would be enough. He prayed that it would be, there was so much he still wanted to do. He couldn't die, he just couldn't.


	8. Serious Conversations

**Apparently I'm on a writing spree at the moment :shrugs:**

 **Thank you to all who reviewed the last chapter and thank you to those that followed the story.**

 ** _Mid- September 1914_**

Cora was embroidering in her bedroom, it had been rather quiet at Downton since Mary and Edith had left for London, and Cora didn't quite know what to do with herself. It was so odd to think how quickly things could change. Cora missed having Patrick around, he'd become a near permanent fixture at Downton since his father's death, and he had been a dear boy. And besides that, having two of her daughters lose their chance at happiness had depressed Cora immensely. She was worried about them both and also about Sybil who was just so _wild_ compared to either of her sisters. Sybil's latest bit of mischief had involved poor Branson, how was he to know that Sybil hadn't actually had permission to learn to drive. At least Branson seemed to be a good teacher, but Robert had been livid about the whole thing, if only Sybil would have just asked permission.

"My dear" Robert stuck his head around her door and interrupted her thoughts.

"Yes darling?" Cora asked, looking up from her embroidery to see her husband looking worried.

"I understand that Edith and Mary are coming home early, tomorrow in fact" Robert came to stand beside her "do you know why?" he asked.

"Mary's telegram didn't say, perhaps they simply became bored" Cora offered, putting down her work.

Robert sighed quietly and shook his head "I doubt that is it" he sat down next to Cora and took her hands in his "I suppose I should have told you this sooner".

"Robert, what is it?" Cora's mind was racing, Robert looked _old_ and tired, not at all like his normal self and Cora knew the mess with the entail was getting to him but that surely had nothing to do with this conversation.

"Cora, do you remember that I was reluctant to allow Edith to travel to London?" he asked her.

"Of course, I thought it odd that you were alright with Mary going when you didn't want Edith to go in the first place" she said, she'd been hoping the trip would help raise Edith's spirits but she hadn't thought it quite proper for Mary to go to London so soon after losing her fiancé.

"Yes, well I still didn't want Edith to go but I felt better knowing Mary would be with her" Robert replied "do you remember that Turkish fellow?" he asked abruptly.

Cora was nonplussed at the quick change of topic "of course, the gentleman that visited us with Evelyn Napier".

Robert withdrew his hands and stood up quickly "he was no gentleman" he hissed angrily, speaking at the wall rather than looking at Cora.

"Darling?" Cora stood up and walked towards him "Robert, what is it? You're beginning to scare me".

He turned back towards her "Kemal Pamuk assaulted Edith" he said baldly.

"What?" Cora raised her hand to her cheek in shock "in London? But how do you know?".

Robert shook his head again "no darling, I'm doing this badly. I've been trying to figure out how to tell you for a while. No, this _incident_ happened when he was here at Downton. I've known for a while but I didn't find out until after he had left. You see, he sent Edith a letter and I wasn't paying attention and I opened it and… and…" he trailed off, his face sorrowful and his fists clenched tightly.

"Robert" Cora began carefully but she stopped as he looked at her, pain clear in every line of his face.

"Cora, he attacked my daughter, he attacked _Edith_. In her own home, her own _room_ , she should have been safe, I should have made sure she was safe" he trembled, whether from sorrow or from anger at himself or Pamuk, Cora couldn't tell. She wanted to comfort him but first she needed to know something.

"Why did you wait so long to tell me?" she asked softly, trying not to sound judgmental.

"I was hoping she would come to us on her own" Robert answered "but also, I was having trouble dealing with it and I wasn't sure if I should talk to her, or talk to you, or simply go find that bastard and kill him myself" there were still tears in his eyes but Cora could tell he was rapidly becoming more angry than sad.

"Oh my darling, you should never have had to deal with this on your own. Neither should Edith but I don't think confronting her would be a good idea, actually I'm not sure how to deal with Edith, she hasn't come to us and that might mean that she'd rather put the whole thing behind her" Cora grabbed her husband's hands and pulled him closer to her.

"Robert, listen to me, I want that man to pay for what he's done but that would create more problems than it would solve. We need to make sure that Edith will be alright and that she knows she can come to us if she wants to. Beyond that I don't think there is much we can do" she kissed his hands "but we need each other to get through things like this, you need to come to me with anything that troubles you, as I will come to you with my own troubles".

Robert kissed her gently before pulling back to speak.

"You're right of course, I realized that earlier when I found out from Bates that Pamuk had been at the Grantham Arms, apparently he was asking about Edith and Bates thought that was odd so he told me about it and about Pamuk saying he was going to be in London soon".

"Well thank goodness Bates said something, but do you really think that Edith saw Pamuk in London and that's why they're coming home?" Cora inquired anxiously.

"Seems the most likely explanation doesn't it" Robert answered.

"My poor Edith" Cora whispered.

* * *

"Sir Anthony, this group will be taking on some very dangerous tasks, everyone must be up to snuff" the powerfully built man that sat across from Anthony in the library at Loxley was one of the more powerful men in the country, but Anthony wasn't convinced he was the best person to be heading this particular war effort.

"I do understand Lord Egerton but I simply don't trust the men you think would be a good fit, if you want me to lead this group than you will allow me to handpick the men I like from the troops. Good hardworking men are what I believe we need, they can always receive special training later" Anthony was _not_ going budge on this and to make sure Egerton knew that he drained his glass and leaned forward slightly before speaking again.

"If that isn't satisfactory to you than I will spend my time in the trenches, it is as simple as that" Anthony sat back and watched the man's face as Egerton tried valiantly to hide his annoyance. They both knew that Anthony was the best man for this job, he had successfully worked in many difficult circumstances, and he understood war and intrigue far better than a farmer should.

Lord Egerton gave a quick jerk of his head "alright, you'll get what you want".

The two men stood up and shook hands before Egerton left Anthony alone. Anthony poured himself another drink and went to stand by the window. Perhaps his thoughts should have been on his new duties but instead he was considering what his life might have been like if Lady Mary hadn't interfered with his proposal to Lady Edith. Would his decision today have been different? He didn't know, he felt as though this undertaking was a duty that he couldn't truly refuse no matter what he had said to Egerton. And it wasn't going to stop him from proposing this time, life had become even more uncertain than usual but he was certain about Lady Edith. He was being, perhaps, a bit selfish though, asking her to wait for him. She was young and beautiful and could surely find someone else, but if he was lucky, then she wouldn't want anyone else.


	9. Trains, Tea, and Tears

**As always, thank you so much for the reviews and follows!**

* * *

 ** _Mid- September 1914_**

"I wish the train would hurry up and get here" Lady Sybil bounced slightly in the backseat of the car and Tom Branson grinned a little. He'd taken a liking to the spirited girl but, he had to admit, it was getting harder and harder to think of her as just a girl. He turned his eyes back to the front and tried for a vaguely dignified tone when he answered.

"We left fairly early m'lady" he said "they aren't yet late" his eyes wandered back to the mirror and he couldn't help but keep his eyes on her.

"I know" she sat back against the seat with a sigh " _and_ they're coming home early so I shouldn't be in such a rush anyway".

She was playing with the hem of her jacket as she stared out the window, she was always doing something with her hands now, it was like she was loath to remain still for any length of time. Tom could understand that, everyone at Downton seemed to be on edge and he wasn't really sure why. 'Could be the war' he mused but that didn't quite fit and he didn't really know what did. Not that it mattered much to him, unless it had to do with Lady Sybil, he'd grown attached to her even though he shouldn't have.

"Oh!" she exclaimed "here they are!" she smiled brightly at Tom as he jumped out and opened her door.

"Thank you Branson" she said.

* * *

Mary and Edith seemed much the same as when they'd left for London. At least they did at first glance, then Sybil noticed that Mary couldn't seem to stop looking at Edith; almost as though she was afraid their sister would disappear. And Edith seemed even more subdued than when she'd left.

Sybil would think on it later, for now she was just glad to see them and she told them so before catching them up on the latest goings on in the village.

"Dr. Clarkson has gotten married!" she said happily "someone from Manchester, everyone is saying it's awfully fast but apparently they met at some medical something or other in London last year. It was some kind of dinner for doctors or something and she was invited because her late husband was a doctor. But supposedly she's a nurse, and she has an adult son". Sybil didn't fail to notice how Mary jolted when she said Manchester, she had no idea what it meant though so she filed it away with all the other random things she wanted to think about.

"Anyway, he's been going off to visit her whenever he got a chance and now they're married and she's moving here" Sybil paused for breath before continuing "Mama wants me to drop in tomorrow morning and invite her to tea with us and Grandmama".

"Grandmama? Is Mama trying to scare the poor woman off?" Mary asked, smiling slightly at Sybil.

"It was that or send her off to Grandmama's for tea all by herself. Grandmama is not very happy Dr. Clarkson got married without even telling her about it beforehand" Sybil answered with a smile of her own.

"I almost pity the new Mrs. Clarkson, still, might be fun to watch" Mary's idea of fun didn't quite coincide with Sybil's, since Sybil really did feel sorry for Mrs. Clarkson, Grandmama could be quite ferocious when she was unhappy. Mary sat in the middle seat between Sybil and Edith so Sybil leaned forward to address Edith.

"How was London?" she asked her middle sister.

"Not terrible, it was nice to see Wendy at least" Mary answered, pointedly ignoring Sybil's raised eyebrow at her for answering instead of Edith. Sybil didn't push though, if _Mary_ was shielding Edith from _anyone_ , let alone Sybil, it was probably something bad. Which likely meant they'd all try to shield _Sybil_ from whatever it was. Sybil didn't let her annoyance show though; it wouldn't do any good anyway.

* * *

"What do you think?" Richard asked rather anxiously as Isobel looked around the small sitting room.

"I love it, very cozy my dear" Isobel replied going to stand beside her new husband in their new home 'oh so many changes' she thought, butterflies floating around her stomach. But she wouldn't change anything; she knew that every time she looked at Richard. She took his hand in her's and kissed his cheek.

"I think we'll be very happy here" she whispered. Choosing to ignore that little ache, the ache that reminded her that Matthew wasn't here and wouldn't be here anytime soon, she missed him but she wasn't going to let that cloud her happiness. At least not tonight anyway.

.

.

.

The next morning saw Isobel happily sipping tea in the small flower garden that adjoined their small house, it was in fact a good deal smaller than her and Matthew's house in Manchester, but Isobel really did like it. It was plenty big enough for two people and had a charm to it that appealed to her. A gaily called greeting captured her attention from her tea and Isobel looked up to see a petite brunette standing at the garden gate.

"Mrs. Clarkson?" the young woman asked.

Isobel shivered slightly, thus far the only people to call her "Mrs. Clarkson" were Richard and Matthew and they'd both been teasing her when they'd done it, she liked the sound of it coming from a stranger.

"Yes" she replied and gestured for the young woman to join her.

The young woman introduced herself and refused a cup of tea as she sat down opposite Isobel.

"Actually" she crinkled her pert nose and laughed "I came to invite _you_ to have tea at Downton Abbey this afternoon, my mother and sisters are looking forward to meeting you, and Grandmama too".

Isobel paused for a moment, Richard had told her about the sharp tongued Dowager Countess and she wasn't sure she was quite ready to meet the woman, but she didn't want to make a bad impression with these people (not the least because she couldn't quite forget that they were Matthew's relatives despite her intentions).

"Well, I would love to" she replied, trying not to seem hesitant.

"Wonderful!" Sybil seemed truly delighted "we'll send the car for you".

They spent a few more minutes talking and Isobel found herself quite liking the clever but sheltered young woman. She especially enjoyed the contrast of Sybil's interest in her nursing experiences and her interest in the wedding ceremony.

"Oh, and there is Branson!" Sybil exclaimed after several minutes of chatting "it must be time to go, it was lovely to meet you Mrs. Clarkson, I look forward to this afternoon" she was gone almost before Isobel could say goodbye and Isobel smiled as the car pulled away. Perhaps the Crawleys wouldn't be too bad after all.

* * *

Finding the time to go to Loxley House hadn't been very easy, not with Sybil's early morning trip to the village and all of them having tea with Mrs. Clarkson in the afternoon, but Edith had been determined enough to figure it out. Though she did feel slightly guilty that Branson was likely missing his lunch just to drive her to Loxley, hopefully Mrs. Patmore had packed him something, Edith rather wished that she'd thought to bring something herself. Although, as much as her stomach was churning, she likely couldn't have ate much anyway. She was so nervous that she'd taken to twisting a handkerchief around and around in her hands.

.

.

.

Her nervousness didn't abate as she was shown into Sir Anthony's library. She gratefully accepted the proffered tea from the butler and warmed her hands on the cup as she sank into one of the chairs to await Sir Anthony's arrival.

"Lady Edith! I wasn't expecting you quite so soon" Sir Anthony greeted her with a smile as he entered the room.

"Well, your letter gave me some hope that things between us could be repaired" Edith replied breathlessly.

"I had hoped that my letter would put your mind at ease on that point" Sir Anthony commented "I fully intend to ask you the question that I should have already asked".

Edith sat the teacup down and, trying to calm her racing heart, she stood up and crossed to the chair Sir Anthony had seated himself in, she pulled a footstool over and sat down next to him. She looked down at her hands in her lap instead of looking at him. Her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest and being this close to him didn't help, but this might be her last chance to be this close to him and she had decided to take it.

"Sir Anthony, before you can ask that question there is something you need to know. Something that I am greatly ashamed of, and…" her voice broke as she struggled not to cry.

"Lady Edith?" Sir Anthony sounded a bit lost "whatever is the matter?".

Edith breathed in shakily and braced herself. As the story poured out of her she kept her eyes on her tightly clenched hands, she didn't tell him the name of her attacker, but she did tell him how desperately she'd wished it wasn't happening and how scared she'd been. She wasn't trying to make him feel sorry for her but she couldn't seem to stop talking once she'd started. When she finally stopped she couldn't bring herself to raise her head, she realized detachedly that she was jittery and tense, and it seemed a terribly long time before Sir Anthony cleared his throat.


	10. Whatever Comes

**_Mid- September 1914_**

Anthony was at a loss for words. His darker thoughts wondered if this was why Edith had seemingly chosen him. Because, to many men, this would make her unmarriageable. And likely a younger man would be less forgiving, especially of a woman who had little to offer beyond herself. But his thoughts stuttered at that, _herself_ was all Edith should have to offer for she was lovely, more wonderful than he deserved, and this must have hurt her so deeply to have to tell him this. How could he doubt her affections again after such a confession? This wasn't something you told someone you didn't trust. A ripple of shame spun its way around his thoughts, how could he make this about himself, or even them, it was about _her_. And with a jolt he realized he'd been quiet for far too long, what must she be thinking? He cleared his throat and reached out to grasp her hands. She looked up at him then and her tear-filled eyes hurt him. He knew he would eventually want to know the name of the bastard that had hurt her but, for now, it was better that he didn't know because he wasn't sure he'd be able to control his anger enough to leave it alone.

"Darling, I am glad that you told me, and I understand how you might fear what I would think. But let me assure that, as long as you still wish me to, I will still ask that question I wanted to ask you. I care for you too much to allow anything to come between us again" he squeezed her hands and was glad when the tension seemed to leave her and she smiled tremulously at him.

"Thank you" she whispered "I hadn't actually told anyone. And I was afraid because I didn't want to lose you again".

"I was foolish before" Anthony admitted "I should have spoken to you at the garden party and asked for an explanation". He longed to wipe the tears from her face, the gesture would be far more intimate than any small liberty he had taken with her though and he didn't quite dare. Instead he relished the feel of her small hands in his. He wondered if it was a bad time to tell her his news. Probably, but it also seemed past the time for secrets.

"Edith, I have something I must tell you as well" he started "I will be joining the war effort. I am going to be working as part of a special group, I am not allowed to tell you what I will be doing or where I will be, nor can you tell anyone that I am anything but a regular soldier".

"Will you be in more or less danger?" Edith asked, a frown marring her face.

"Well… definitely not less anyway, that's all I can say" he answered "you have no more questions?" he asked.

She shook her head at him "you said you couldn't tell me anything more. Besides, your safety is the only thing I care about. I am rather surprised you were allowed to tell me this much if no one else can know. You could have let me think you were, as you say, a regular soldier".

"I was supposed to" he admitted "but I think such a secret would be unfair to you".

He drew in a sharp breath when she untangled their hands and cupped his cheek with one hand. She leaned in hesitantly, her eyes on his, then brushed her soft lips against his other cheek.

"We'll be okay" she whispered "whatever comes, I think we've proven that now" she leaned back and smiled at him, her smile was as bright as the sun and yet still shy. Anthony adored it. He smiled back at her and nodded.

"Whatever comes" he agreed.

* * *

Tea at Downton Abbey was an absolute disaster. Isobel was sure that Lady Grantham and Sybil really were trying to welcome her to the area and to be friendly. But the Dowager Countess? Isobel was _quite_ sure that she was being contrary simply because she could; she certainly wasn't being friendly or welcoming!

And Lady Mary? Well, Lady Mary wore a polite smile the entire time and she sounded friendly at first blush, but she got in as many digs and barbs as her grandmother did, she was just more subtle about it. In fact, Lady Mary was exactly what Isobel and Matthew had always thought all the Crawleys must be like, proud and cold and hiding behind a mask of a politeness that only went as far as it had to.

In short, Isobel was not impressed and she certainly wouldn't be hurrying back. Although she supposed she would have to invite them all to tea eventually, but maybe just one or two at a time, she might be able to handle that better.

"You look unhappy dear" Richard said as he came into their bedroom where she was putting away some more of her things.

"You're home earlier than I thought" she deflected before smiling at him.

"Not terribly busy today" he answered, sitting down on the bed with a sigh "I'm still tired though. But really dear, you looked quite discontented when I came in. May I ask what is wrong?" he sounded slightly worried, as though he thought she was unhappy with something in their home perhaps.

"I met the Dowager Countess today" she told him.

"Ahh" he nodded as though that explained it all.

"In fact, I suppose I met all of the Crawley family today except for Lady Edith, she didn't show up to tea. Of course I only met Lord Grantham in passing, but that will likely be enough for me" Isobel finished arranging her dressing table to her satisfaction and turned to Richard.

"You know, we are newlyweds... "she trailed off suggestively, trailing her fingers along the bed towards his leg.

"Yes, but we're _old_ newlyweds" Richard pointed out "I think we should have supper before going to bed".

"I hope you're using "going to bed" as a euphemism" Isobel laughed "but you look so tired that I'm not sure".

Richard grinned at her "you'll find out after supper" he promised.


	11. Of Conversations and New Friends

**A/N -** If you thought I'd forgotten about this story.. well, you'd be right. I won't bore you with the details but it's just been one of those _years._ Anyway, thank you to Ann of Hesse for reminding me. This chapter is rougher than usual (I haven't wrote anything in months) and is incredibly short so think of it as a bridge and I shall attempt to update more frequently.

* * *

 _ **Mid- September 1914**_

"I am very happy for you Edith" Mary smiled at her sister, the engagement had just been announced earlier that night. Though Edith had been radiantly happy since she'd come back from seeing Sir Anthony, so Mary had expected nothing less, it was nice to see it become official.

"Yes! Oh Edith I am so glad to see you so happy" Sybil said excitedly, she had claimed the chair by the fireplace so Edith and Mary sat together on Edith's bed.

"Thank you both" Edith beamed "Sir Anthony really is wonderful" she said softly.

Sybil wrinkled her nose "I don't know him well enough to say, but I suppose he is rather nice, and he has excellent taste in books" she said as though that decided everything for her.

"Yes, I heard him offer to lend you one of his novels" Mary said "isn't that the novel Papa said you weren't to read?".

Sybil ducked her head guiltily "yes, but we were talking about some of the books we had both read and he was surprised I hadn't read it, I didn't tell him why I hadn't".

Before Mary could say anything more they heard a knock at the door and Cora peeped in.

"May I speak to my newly-engaged daughter alone for a moment?" she asked.

Mary and Sybil nodded.

"I suppose we should get some rest anyway" Sybil said, hugging Edith quickly before she practically skipped out of the room.

"Goodnight Edith, Mama" Mary said, kissing them both on the cheek and following her sister, albeit at a more dignified pace.

* * *

Cora waited until the door was firmly closed before going to sit on Edith's bed with her.

"My dear, your papa and I are so happy for you" she smiled gently at Edith.

"Thank you Mama" Edith looked at her quizzically "but you've already congratulated me, twice if I remember correctly".

"Yes, well…" Cora hesitated "it's just that… with the war and all… I was wondering if you might like to have the wedding sooner rather than later?".

Edith nodded "yes, actually Sir Anthony and I were considering that ourselves, he plans to enlist you know".

"No I didn't know that, but your papa and I thought it was a possibility" Cora responded "Sir Anthony hinted as much when he was speaking with your papa earlier".

"Well, we were thinking perhaps the first week of January, if you think we can manage it?" Edith looked at Cora hopefully.

"I'm sure we can" Cora answered.

"And… I was wondering if, while Sir Anthony is gone, I could stay here" Edith asked "he doesn't want me to be alone and I quite agree that I would be happier here".

"Of course you can" Cora assured her "in fact, I rather think your papa might insist on it, as would I".

"Thank you Mama" Edith smiled happily at her and Cora internally sighed in relief, here was one daughter happily taken care of… as long as Sir Anthony survived the war, that is.

* * *

 _ **Late September 1914**_

Training was every bit as hard as Matthew had thought it would be. He did take comfort in his lucky charms and in Mary's letter but he was so busy that writing to her or anyone else seemed impossible. There were bright spots though, the men that he trained with took every opportunity to let off steam; jokes and claps on the back were common occurrences in between training exercises, and there were a few that Matthew would gladly call friend such as John "Epsy" Epsworth, Samuel Steinfeld, and Reid Halsey.

The one problem with calling Epsy a friend was that the tall brown-haired man was a practical joker and he liked to pull his friends into trouble with him. Reid enjoyed it as much as Epsy did. And Samuel, despite being one of the biggest men that Matthew had ever seen, was quick enough on his feet to stay out of the way when he had to. Matthew did his best to follow Samuel's lead at first, he'd never been much of a practical joker, but Epsy could be relentless. And anyway, the harmless jokes made the other men laugh, that seemed worth a bit of trouble. Although Matthew quickly realized that Epsy wasn't much of a planner, in fact most of the time he could have avoided getting caught if he just took some time to plan out his escapades, but Epsy had disagreed. Matthew may have decided to take that as a bit of a challenge. Turns out that he was pretty good at planning his friends' mischief and even Epsy would eventually admit that he'd kept them from getting into trouble more than once.

.

.

.

"You got it?" the shorter man whispered out of the corner of his mouth as he and Matthew stood, leaning up against a wall and taking a short break.

"Reid, you are being ridiculous" Matthew replied, but he played along and turned slightly so he could slip his latest plan into Reid's hand behind their backs.

"Can't be too careful" Reid answered, apparently perfectly serious. Matthew shook his head but he couldn't quite bite back a grin. At least with friends like these he'd never be bored again.

"I'm serious" Reid said "I heard there was a special visitor today, who knows what that means, but we don't want to cause _too_ much trouble today".

Matthew shook his head "you could try not causing _any_ trouble, if there is a special visitor of any kind and you get caught? I think it's safe to say we don't want that".

"Agreed. But if your plan here works the way it should then no one will know we did it" Reid raised an eyebrow at Matthew "unless you don't think your plan is good enough?" he challenged.

Matthew huffed "I can assure you that it is a very good plan. It'll definitely take Smith down a peg or two".

"Good. No one upsets Samuel and gets away with it" Reid strolled away and Matthew leaned back against the wall. Normally Matthew wouldn't get involved in a prank (no matter how harmless it really was) against a superior but Captain Smith-Fraites was likely the meanest man that he had ever met. The man enjoyed humiliating the very men he was supposed to train. They'd all endured the man's anger and ridicule, but the final straw for the trio of mischief makers (as Epsy liked to call them) was when Smith had targeted Samuel. Matthew hadn't actually been there but Reid had told him about it, and it had made his blood boil. Still, Matthew's conscience twinged a bit.

* * *

Anthony raised his eyebrows questioningly at Captain Smith-Fraites, the man had really been testing Anthony's patience since the baronet had arrived in his office that morning.

"I'm sorry Sir Anthony, I just don't think you'll find what you're looking for here, these men aren't good for much of anything, they just haven't had the training yet" the captain looked annoyed but Anthony doubted he was half annoyed as Anthony himself was.

'Maybe if you built them up instead of tearing them down' Anthony thought, but he knew better than to say that.

"Perhaps I can just see for myself" he offered instead with a polite, but icy, smile.

"Yes Sir" the captain nodded.

.

.

.

Captain Smith-Fraites hadn't been wrong about one thing, the men needed more training, but that was to be expected, most had come here less than three weeks before. Anthony wasn't looking for perfection, he was looking for honest men that could learn what he had to teach them. His gaze was caught by movement over by the building to his left. He quirked an eyebrow when he realized it was a handoff, not a bad one either, though it was obvious the blond man wasn't taking it as seriously as the dark haired man. Anthony made note of their appearance, he might want to talk to them later, they might be what he was looking for.


End file.
